The End!

This last July I finally completed more than a year of surgeries, braces and blagh! here's a quick timeline (and just to be clear all this was done for medically necessary reasons!)


April 2011 - Learned I needed jaw surgery to have a healthy and proper bite and nasal surgery to prep myself to actually be able to breathe.

June 2011- Braces

September 2011 -  Nasal Surgery...that didn't work

December 2011 - Double Jaw surgery...bam

Feb 2012 - Back to chewing food

May 2012 - Second Nasal surgery

July 2012 - Tada!

Now for the sake of people who LOVE before and afters...as I totally do. I thought they helped me most to mentally prepare for two major surgeries that would change the look of my face.

Here is a head shot before and after. Now remember, these were my best shots. The best pictures I had of me.

And Some Afters

Here are some before Non-Smiling ones: Here is where I see the biggest difference

And After

Crazy, right? Now that I sit here and look at it it's amazing how much more proportionate my face looks. before the surgery I hated my nose and now after jaw surgery and an actual straight nose that is breathable I am soooo glad I did this. Not only does it look good but it is functional!. I can finally chew food normal and my bite is healthy and perfect. 

Orthodontist - Brian Graff Orem, Utah. Graff Orthodontics

ENT - Seth Riddle - Provo, Utah - Peak ENT

Orthonagtic surgeon - Alvin Stosich - Midvale -  Utah Center for Oral and Facial Surgery

Missing a friend

Drewsky gave me my first impression of redneck living when he described, in detail, how to castrate livestock. Probably the first person with a southern drawl I had ever met. The first time my roommates and I had our first of many to come hilarious moments with drew, He had just got in from playing volleyball and we ran into him in the Morris Center. He and I soon pointed out how noticeably short his shorts were. From then on he, a midst the other Drews in the ward, was, affectionately, Drew-short-shorts-Drew.

Drew never failed to show us all how to suck-it-up and be a man. It didn't matter if that related to Syrup on Spaghetti in the cafeteria with Chris, ironing board bobsleds, hidden hobo houses up provo canyon or even dating, you could be a man about anything.
One night during visiting hours Drew proved this by telling me a story about a date he had been on earlier that week. He was unsure of this girl but still ended up holding her had by the end of the date. "What?!" I asked, "Why did you do that?" Drew responded very innocently with, "It was an accident!" Rolling my eyes to his typical boy behavior I told him, "Drew, you don't just accidentally hold someone's hand." Trying to coax the truth out of him he finally said, "I wasn't trying to hold her hand...I was... reaching for more blanket. Her hand just kind of was there." "Are you kidding?!" I replied, "If you for sure DIDN'T want to lead her on why would you even risk sharing a blanket, let alone reaching for more?!" In a very matter of fact way drew just said, "I was cold."

The Drewsky we knew and loved never was discouraged and knew that nothing ever was a big deal enough to cry about it. I know his example touched everyone who knew him and even through his illness he continued to show me how to be a man. Love you, Drew. We miss you already.

If I were a swearing woman

Grey's Anatomy. Sigh. It started in 2005 and then I watched 7 seasons in 3 weeks on laying in bed squirting liquid christmas dinner through my clenched teeth. Needless to say, I'm attached.

That's why I am FED UP! (Expletive) FED UP!!! (Expletive) pissed off. Not only has Shonda Rhimes single handedly  raised my blood pressure but she has manipulated me into fetal position cry sessions. I have forgiven and forgiven time and time again for her rash actions. Her writing is constantly the equivalent of offering a child a small cookie. Then, as a delightful surprise, Shonda lets the small child taste the cookie. Of course I-I mean- this said small and non adult child instantly grows attached to the warm, gooey and often pee-your-pants-hilarious center. She is drawn, addicted. This child swears that this cookie has now become a dear close friend. Suddenly, Shonda not only (expletive that rhymes with "itch") slaps the cookie out MY HAND AND MOUTH but then proceeds to tell me that the awesome funny Lexie is DEAD and there will be no more cookies EVER! (Expletive) YOU, COOKIE KILLER!

I have no idea why she feels the need to kill everyone and make everyone of these fictional character's lives a HELL HOLE but I have a feeling that she was the one in high school making a HUGE deal about everything... and still is. And I take personal offense to that.

I love you grey's anatomy, but I really don't have to like you right now. (Expletive).

A really good day

I just had the best day. I woke up feeling good and happy. My favorite radio station the morning zoo 97.1zht definitely always brightens the morning cause they are so hilArious. I was driving to work snacking of some banana bread I made the night before and my daily green smoothie. I had recently wanted to try to be all domestic after a book I had been reading about a woman in the 1800s pioneering, baking, raising children all that jazz. Dang straight! Practically laura fricking ingles. Okay so i purchased all items from a store but let's laura navigate her way through smiths in provo! Especially as a single girl. In the baking isle. It is no small feat, my friend. But it turned out so good! Anyways I had stayed up last night packaging Oreos in bags with notes that said "You're a star" for all my drama kids. Tht's right I said oreos. My domesticity only goes so far. I handed one to a shy little boy from my class that sadly missed our final performance. And said "We missed you! Here, this is for you!" and without hesitation he looked at me and said, "you're a really good teacher." I haven't ever really heard this boy say more that a sentence with 3 words in it. I just looked back and said "you're an awesome student!" so awesome.

Then as a lunch lady I have been so excited to serve sloppy joes so I could be Chris farly and sing the song! Well today was that day and all my fellow lunch ladies were feeling fine and sassy and served as my back up dancers and percussion. we had a jolly time quoting movies, talking I accents and passing the time during lunch while slapping a that juicy ground love on a bun.

Then math. Anyone who knows me knows I heatedly dislike math. Cept' 5th grade math. I rock 5th grade math. This math I can teach with confidence... Well all except the 9 times tables. But still, I'll take it. The kids and I race. I win everytime which is awesome (except the 9 times but im working on it 9x8=72) but they have fun t the back table with me. This is Especially apparent when one kid pissing me off and back talking just to get a rise while disrupting others after repeated empty threats-I mean warnings of being sent to the or more work or turn him in to the real teacher (I'm just he aide) I just responded with "*Tommy (*name changed), talk back one more time. I dare you and we'll see what happens." and another kid says to *Tommy, stop. Ms. Johnson is a nice teachee. She doesn't like being mean so just do your work.

Hot dang. Then more hours of awesome little thespians coming in with smiles as I stand at the door and act Like a dork and say "Welllcommme to class, we're happy to have you" in a British accent. They are practicing musical theater while I specifically work with them to show more facial expressions. luckily for my amusement the littlest group is adorable and also is doing bare necessities so they get to do really hilarious faces. Oh amazing.

Then wedding dress shopping with my wonderful roommate and a cranberry limeaid to top it off. Ending the night with an amazingly intense season finale of vampire diaries. I watched with my friend Ashley and our every thought was so in sync (BYE BYE BYE!). We would both scream WHAT?! Oooo following the same intonations and concluded with a grand finale of jumping up and down on my bed shouting OoOoooOOOHhh Mmuuhhhhyyyyyu GHGGoooooOoShshhHhhh!

Fun packed and awesome day. Simple but grand.

Progress Indeed.

http://trevorantley.com/2012/04/05/byus-gay-mormon-panel-a-huge-success/

I feel torn

I feel torn. stuck between two beliefs. One that I have grown up with, loved, cherished, that has come to my aid and pushed me to give service to others. It was drastically brought to my attention last night as I watched the live broadcast of "8" that my other belief will most likely always make me stand out within the community of my faith. I stand out correcting people's use of the phrase "That's so gay" and out right telling a guest in my house last night that phrases like "He's such a homo" would never be tolerated. I fully and strongly believe that this kind of behavior should be corrected despite my own heterosexuality or anyone else's sexual orientation.

I have been fortunate enough to have friends who are completely respectful of my views and are willing to help me understand their thoughts of disagreement in very insightful conversations which, in most cases, led me to feel closer and more bonded to these friends. I have also had friends scold me saying i have no right to chastise others when they use phrases I mentioned above. That is where my cognitive tearing kicks in. ALL my life I have been told to stand up for good, being praised when i ask others not to swear around me or take the lord's name in vain. But when it comes to this subject I am seen as being tolerant or not accepting of counsel that has been given.

When proposition 8 was in full swing, I sat quietly while members of the community and friends asked for volunteers in the call centers that contacted California citizens. I fear the time will come when my opinion of same sex marriage will complete the tear I have begun to feel.

I have no solution. just to love both sides of my beliefs and understand this perspective is what makes me who I am, struggles, ripped opinions, pro equal rights and all. :)

My Oscars Review

My feelings toward this years Academy Awards were a little different. Of course I was as excited as ever, but my excitement mostly stemmed from the announcement that the one true Oscar host was to be, once again, BILLY CHRYSTAL. I was tickled pink to see the reinstating of billy inserted into all the best picture parody scenes and soo happy to see George Clooney play along. I don't care if Billy's one liners all bombed. I think he needs to host until he dies. He brings humor and class to the event. Best of all, i felt the presenters were fairly tame, not trying to out do each other and not slit-your-wrists annoying!

 For one of the first times since the academy has decided to choose more than 5 nominated films for best picture, I had seen all of them but War Horse. I don't care how nominated that movie was, it looked DUMB! And unless someone tells me that the horse in fact does a performance like unto Circe De Sole at the Oscars, I will still not be seeing it. 

To be honest I was not blown away, out of my socks by any of these films. While everyone I feel did work upstanding to their current reputation, I was not WOWed. And that is what I feel should be the distinguishing factor for films honored to be recognized. But in the midst  of our traditional Oscar Prep Weekend I was some what disappointed. I only came to recognize a certain few until after 2 weeks of critical simmer for certain moments or characteristics.   

The Tree of Life. Dear Terrence Malick, I love you. The New World is one of my favorite movies. Unfortunately, no one else agrees. I can't count how many people I've recommended it to. I feel his style is clear. He has a unique ability to tap into a very naturalistic and earth movement in how he directs his cinematography and sound. I was not expecting The Tree of Life to be as abstract as it was. During the first 15 minutes I had to continually repeat to myself, "Number one rule of abstract: Don't look for a story line. Forget your linear thinking and reason and just observe." 

        This is the reason I picked Tree of Life as a stand out for Best Picture. It does something different and does it well! 

BUT AS WE ALL KNOW, no votes for you, Tree of Life! I should probably preface this next shout out by saying I am not the biggest fan of the over eccentric smiles and frowns style of acting that we so often admire in old movies (ahem...Audrey Hepburn)...which is much like The Artist is shot. I was entertained and surprised how intrigued by the story as I was...bla...bla...bla. But then (Alice mouths words) Black screen with white words: WUH BAM! The moment I saw that this film was a CLEAR choice for Best picture.  The main character wakes up to sound filled world. Chairs moving. Dogs barking. Clocks ticking. And then everyone realizes what a foli artist does! This showed a creative team not willing to "play it safe" in a silent world, but taking the artistic choices. Choices that made a stark and brilliant way to catch our attention to what we had been missing. It seemed so forward in a Brechtian sort of way, pulling us out of the glam into a feeling of insignificance. It propeled a story on a deeper level, inciting a subconscious connection to a character who's perfect world was silently careening out of control. 

It is time! Jaw surgery Before, During, and Afters

Here is a video containing all progress from beginning to end. A double jaw surgery, upper and lower for open and lower bite.

Progress at the beginning is daily and then after a week moves to twice or once a week and the last picture was taken on Saturday. My surgery was on Dec. 21st 2011.

As a side note I am wearing makeup in most of these pictures, nor am I trying to look pretty. I am only miserable in the first seven or so (as you can see my lips swelled to the side a balloons) but the rest are non smiley so to be consistent. 

Enjoy!

The time has almost come

I am almost 5 weeks post op from Jaw surgery and at 6 weeks i'll post the good the bad and the swelling. Most of the swelling is gone, I still have pain in my jaw joint.

I am Sooo excited to eat. I'm an eater for sure. So unfortunately i've only lost 10lbs and now that i can put solid food in my mouth (and swallow it whole) I'm starting to gain it back. eff. I was so excited to be really skinny. Haha I can fit into a smaller dress size but I would have needed to continue the weight loss to officially state that. So that's kind of a bummer, but mostly I'm excited to eat. I've narrowed down my celebratory meal to either be a Bonzai burger from Red Robin or all you can eat sushi. We shall see!

Toddlers and Tiaras for Halloween!

By far one of my most favorite Halloween Costumes to execute. How hilarious is this? AND you get to be pretty. Pretty and funny at the same time. I'll take it!

Dress from Deseret Industries for $6, Underskirt and Socks from Pibs Exchange, Homemade Sash, Tiara and Binki from Dollar store...and WAM! I'm a Sexy Baby

ten years later

No words. I just pray. Help them. Bless them. Please help those who haven't already to find peace and comfort.

http://lds.org/study/prophets-speak-today/unto-all-the-world/heavenly-father-is-with-us-in-every-season?lang=eng

Oh snap! 5 Appointments to go until surgery

So my Nose surgery for my septum, nasal valve and Sinuses is in.... 11 days 9 hours, 22 minutes. Ya... there's an app for that.

And the biggin in is 13 weeks,5 days, 8 hours...

I have 5 more appointments 3 weeks apart until the big day. December 14th! I am now in stainless steel wires and my orthodontist Brian Graf is making artistic arts bends to get my teeth where they need to be to fit together. Next time i go in and from here on out they'll be making study models of my teeth to observe where my teeth need to go! Here's another photo update!

Side where you can see how far back my jaw is when i chew

Open bite when my jaw is aligned where it is supposed to be. My first orthodontist told me that my bite would eventually close and that chewing gum would help! wack job..

Side profile with my jaw back where I chew

Side profile with my jaw forward...about what i estimate I'll look like after surgery.

Nerves...Freaking out 4 months in advance

In less than a month I will begin my sojourn of the corrective reconstruction of my FACE! I would say i'm being dramatic, but that is quite literally what's happening. And naturally the nerves are starting to sink in. And my poor orthodontist gets the brunt of it. I've already had this unnatural automatic reaction to cry any time someone hits my nose. Not because it hurts but because I have had 3 nasal surgeries! WTF is going to happen when now my whole bottom 3/4ths of my face is eligible for this reaction.

I guess i'm just so terrified that something will screw up and I'll go back to the way I am now. I could care less about the pain or the discomfort. I can take it. I just want it to look good, i want it to be even, and I don't want to get hit in the face a month later and screw the whole thing up! I was climbing into bed the other day and hit MYSELF in the face...oh heaven help me.

It's so hard after the first orthodontist I had to just trust these incredibly qualified specialist with the result of my most complimented feature. oh my gosh i need to calm down. But wouldn't you be worried if your were forking our like 10K and your face?! And it was all in the hands of two men...whom, i don't know! Are they good people?? Do they like me as a person? If I wine too much, will they do the equivalent of spitting in my burger by screwing up my face?!

Dear Dr. Graff, Dear. Dr. Stosich...i love you guys...please do me well.

Update of my face!

I think it's been a year...?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsBObg-1BQ

I just wanted to take a little moment to celebrate about a year after the fact. Probably the hardest, most relieving and best things I've ever done!

I would have put "Since You've Been Gone" but i thought it was too cliche ;)

Brace for the Plunge

After month and months of stressing i found out that my $30K surgery was...wait for it..APPROVED by the insurance. This means not being in debt for 30 years. This was the biggest stresser about the idea of surgery and braces. But don't worry, the surgical coordinator at Dr. Stosich's office saved the day!

So then after waiting a couple months to hear back from the New Testament project with slowest casting job I've even seen in my life, I go myself some braces!!

The night before the big plunge, I threw a little "Say Goodbye to Alice's ability to eat corn" party. What a hit! People brought all the foods I wouldn't be able to eat for a long time: Apples, candy, caramel, chips and, of course, corn on the cob. A ton of people showed up and there was plenty of corn for everyone.

And then, at 2:45pm I had my appointment. I got in the chair, they sat me back and glued on my cage! It was crazy how quickly i got used to them. I've had braces before so that might account for it. I've said it many times before but if anyone's personality can pull off braces, it's mine. Braces have in NO WAY negatively impacted my life...except that I can't eat drumsticks as easily, but now I just use a spoon. :)

With adjustments every 3 weeks and my amazing orthodontist Brian Graf and I'll be ready for Jaw Surgery in December. Before that, however, it appears that my constricted airways is one of the causes of my screwed up jaw/teeth. I'm guessing that mid August I'll be going in for surgery to make it so I can breathe.

Corn Party!

Let the fun begin. Braces, surgery, and more surgery!!

I'm on the quest to fix my face. Now you might be think, "oh geesh, Alice, you're face is fine, great to stunning even , I'd say." I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, my friends, underneath this polished shell, i have a osteo-dysfunctional interior.

The Jaw...dun nuh nuh nuh...Come along and hear my tale

Somewhere in my development...or perhaps because my mother punched her stomach whilst I resided in her womb (which I'm sure was deserved)...my bottom jaw decided not to grow in sync with its superior, yet still dysfunctional upper jaw. As a result my mouth does not fit together in the form of an open and overbite.

But why now, Alice? Why when you're 23? That's a good question, I'm glad you asked. Because, my avid reader (who most likely looks and acts identical to an invisible person), I was blessed to have orthodontics in small town called Price, Utah with some idiot city-jumping Dentist who decided to try his hand at fixing my jagged teeth. And when I say jagged, i mean jagged. He did well enough but left me unfinished, yet told me I was finished.

But then a miracle happened...my top permanent retainer broke off. I went into Dr. Brian Graf's office for a consultation (to hopefully just get a new retainer)...oh wait.

He informed me that needed Jaw surgery with abt a year of braces...waaa waa...

This must needs be fixed. I'm going to post the rest of the journey in several posts so that it's not a novel

But here is a big fat before picture...me in my ignorance. You can kind of see how my jaw is back a bit...and how i'm sinning by slot machine

I LOVE Easter.

The candy. The colors. The Artistic Food. And most of all, the affirmation that Jesus lives. He lives. He loves. He actively pleads and fights for my salvation. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that Jesus will always be there for me. Spring is the most perfect time for easter. Everything just feels right and lovely. My knowledge of Christ gives me this same happy, sunny disposition; Everything is at rest.

March Madness

I've got the Madness...got my bracket all filled out, my shoes tied tight, i hope i don't get in a fight...(name that movie!) anyways..i do enjoy the madness of march. mostly because it makes it fun for me... I don't really care when i don't have anything on the line but make it a competition and you have yourself a basketball fan! And I just like to say "Jimmuh Jimmuh." I love BYU.

Weekend Movie

How many times do movies have to tell you?? Love conquers all! Well, just in case you forgot...again....Matt Damon exclaims it to you in his adorable and surprisingly hilarious dialogue in "The Adjustment Bureau." And you know, even more surprisingly, I sauntered out of this movie with extreme gratitude. I now know (with confidence, mind you) how to spell the word "Bureau." Matt Damon, if i could only count the things you've taught me.

Unfortunately improved spelling proficiency is the main remnant this film left me with. So the truth is I approached this movie with expectations that it would carry a certain feeling. I was hoping for a big brother, totalitarian hopeful darkness plot twist. The idea of a secret non-human work force that controls the use of free will intrigued me. Especially considering Jason Bourne as the main character I thought to myself, "Hot Digity Dog!" However, I am disappointed to report that Matt Damon, who plays a New York Senate Hopeful David Norris, is, well, normal. Very adorable, but normal. In this case Big Brother is God and not a very menacing one. And no matter how many times men in hats flicked their fingers to magically make things moved, I felt safe and coincidentally that one word easily summed up the film.

I was taken with the chemistry between Damon and Blunt, but as the plot actually started to move I was dissapointed by its normalcy. What?! This is a show about God's Angels in identity denial and I just found myself saying, "Of course that's what's happening...Of course the Angels need a magical Fedora to travel quickly through downtown Manhattan." As soon as there was opposition and suspense everything feel into place and the conflicts in the plot seemed more to be easily overcome side plots.

The idea was there, the casting worked, but the film as a whole skidded along the surface. I did love the unexpected comedy. Blunt and Damon shared some of the most natural and believable romantic exchanges. But once again, too easy! The lack of depth as whole left me feeling sad for "Adjustment Bureau's" unreached potential. Entertaining for sure. Even more, Damon's devoutness to his soulmate leaves women floating from the movie even more distanced from reality than a Jane Austin story. In fact the film can more easily be categorized as a chick flick disguised as a Conspiracy thriller. When you use a cast as talented as Damon and Blunt in this day of extreme film making go big or go home! Leave safe to the Fast and the Furious. Give us something that can go all the way!

St. Patty's Day

A day where we can all join together in releasing our pent up tension by punishing those who are not wearing green.

In fact, i would submit Sir Patrick, who's association with Ireland began as a captured slave, would have been quite surprised to see the evolution of his holiday. More so to say...What the...?

Let's begin:

Shamrock. We look and say "Hey! Lucky Plant! Worn by Leprachans! Lucky Charms...I'm hungry...go to the store...oh i need milk. A Lucky plant indeed. This was St. Patrick's visual aid in teaching the Holy Trinity.

Wearing Green. St. Patrick says, "Well at first it was blue...but ok. Green's cool i guess."

Association with the Irish. St. Patrick was born in Roman Britain. Hmm... ok but he, like, loved Ireland right? Well... close...He was captured by Irish raiders and sold into slavery in Ireland. Who doesn't love that? He loved it so much that he fled...that's right, fled back to his homeland. He then returned to teach the pagan Irish about Christianity.

Leprechauns. A mischievous magical (pagan) man who runs around, pinching people, and hides his treasures away. Adding to wonderful ideals, if ever caught this child-like man must submit to the human and grant three wishes. However, if the leprechaun is ever allowed to escape, bye bye wishes...Correlation? Both Saint Patrick and Leprechauns are easily slavable. That's right, Slavable. able to be made a slave. In truth, these little men have NOTHING to do with dear Patty. They just give little kids something to do. When i was little i did indeed set a trap with fools's gold to catch a Leprechaun. I swear on my life i caught one. I just forgot to look in the other half of my basket trap. A leprechaun also stole my ring when i was little. Dirt bag.

Evolution from celebrating a Christian saint's death day, to one huge stereotypical celebration of the irish, any thing green and social reticule for faux pas choices of clothing color. BAHA!

I love St. Patrick's Day, but it's just kind of sad that St. Patrick, on his own day, would most likely not be tempted to participate in its most common practices. Drinking. Pinching women. Seeking riches by dominineering over those of equal age but questionable height. Hey i'm 5' 6"...I wear green...although i don't drink, i will most likely partake in green food. I will in enjoy St. Patrick's Day. Thanks for living. I'm just feel like sticking up for St. Patrick...Ireland's most popular slave.