Christmas: a time to fall in love...with cookies.

I love cookies. love them. Sugar cookies with frosting are my favorite. Made correctly, i love them fourth only to Ice cream (1) French Fries w/ ketchup (2) and Aspen Grove Bacon (3).

There is one cookie however that has recently caputured my heart. His name is Brian Stokes Mitchell cookie. He is made of tasty cocoa frosting in order to capture his ethinic delicousness. He comes complete with detailed buttons, cufflinks, Bow tie, curly hair, Microphone and belters mouth. e ah e ah!

Good News!!!

With all the shows that take place at colleges, every main stage show is "adjudicated." This basically means that a faculty member from another University comes, watches the show and talks about what he/she liked, what worked and how the overall performances and show can be approved. It is also up to this Adujdicator to nominate 2-3 actors from the show to go to ACTF.

ACTF is a nation acting competition. Regionals are in California.

Well here is it!!! I was one of two Actors nominated from Houseboat Honeymoon to go to california with my Fellow BYU nominees!!!! I am going to California. I will choose a partner and we perform a scene. If i move on to the next round i do a monologue and more and more rounds.

And above all this!!!! We are going to Disneyland!!! Holy cow! I love roller coasters and have never been to disneyland. This is the best news that i have gotten all year! I am lovin' life right now! Thanks to everyone who came to see me and to my director who casted and guided me!

and then....

And then when everything seems to suck, I get a message from natalie my new roommate. At the end of the message of her telling me about her date, it says Love ya! Two words i long to hear said truthfully more than anything lately. It reminds me of Snow patrol, "these small words are sad too much or not enough."

i can't name a time this semester that when i have felt like this someone wasn't there, right there, to pick me up. Most of the time they had no idea what i'd been thinking.

It's times like this when I know, without a doubt in my mind, I have a father. A father that is guiding me and seeing my hurts and loving me. Doing all this because he knows it's so much better than the alternative: Alice, an emotionally immature little girl that has no way to relate to others. I'll take whatever he wants to give me.

Natalie has been the biggest answer to a prayer that i've had in the longest time. This summer at aspen grove was the most emotionally confusing and ungrounded time in my life. The first time the rug was pulled out from under me was the night i met natalie. Even through my emotion outburst she still wanted to be my friend. Everytime stuff after that happened whether good or bad Natalie lended a listening ear and a truthful response. Natalie was my present from heavenly father with tag that said "You're not in this alone. Good luck."

Blogging randoms

I am back in Provo...good ole p-town. Ya know people from price make fun of me cause I love provo and BYU. Then i see the same people from High School....looking the same as they did in high school and acting the same way. So I watched Sweet Home Alambama. I felt like her. Everytime I go to price i feel like i need to grab people and say get out of here! Then I see how stuck up Reese was in that movie. I don't want to be like that. And what do I have in comparison to Reese? She had a clothing line, was on the cover of W magazine and living in New York. All I can say is that my education is from a university....my major is acting. Good grief. My friends came to visit me in Price and we were going to do a double date but i could not honestly think of someone in Price that was my age and not married. I still feel really really blessed that i am attending BYU. Price is just not my cup of tea. I can't stand going there. Maybe it's for other, deeper reasons.

Really I just couldn't wait to come back to provo. It seems now that the only reasons i couldn't wait to come back are no longer a primary part of my life. The other night i had a dream about how much i missed Sarah and I couldn't stop crying in the dream. This isn't an exaggeration. I am having a hard time coming home an not having them there. They really were the closest friends and i consider them family that i have. I will wager that Sarah knows me better than anyone save for the big man upstairs.

This is the most depressing blog i have ever written. yikes. Feels good though. Sarah and Enge were safe. They were always there. Now i am dealing with all these other inconstants flying at me like i am in the middle of a tornado. I am not really good in dealing with the unknown. I hate feeling powerless. And now it's as if i need to trust completely in the wheather man that's telling me that the only debris that will hit me are foam blocks and soon the house will stop spinning. Maybe I'll wake up in Oz. Then again I don't want to land on a witch.

Updates...

Ok i realize that i haven't blogged in a long time! i'm sorry...so here are some updates:


My Show Opened! ahhhhh Tech week was crazy. Rehearsals until 12 am and one saturday we were there from 9 til four. But now the run has begun and it is great to finally have some laughs! Of course the director and stage manager laughed but towards the end they didn't just because they had seen it a million times. The best part is that now people laugh at random parts and the parts that the director thought were the funniest...bomb! I am really excited for it to be happening. To be honest i hate hate hate the rehearsal process. I feel at my game when i am performing. That's why i love film. It's very ready and go! I am more honest in my work when i don't have time to think about it.

Let's see....what else can i update on. OH! My missionaries are doing well. I get a letter from sarah almost every week and they are at least 6 pages long. I love it!!! When i write to her i feel like it's my journal cause i practically have and do tell sarah everything. Dang I miss them. Saturday morning was hard. I went to the temple for the first time since they left. I always went to the temple with them. I cried in the waiting area...and a lot on the way home cause i listened to "Come Thou fount" and drove by the MTC. That's sarah's song. It was just a hard day including the fact that i found out a good friend's dad died in plane crash. He was a bishop from Price and a really amazing man. I remember when Mika (his daughter) and i would hang out he would always be so nice to me. I loved going boating with them cause her mom and dad were so friendly and patient with me while i would wipe out over and over. It's a sad thing to happen to such a great family and he'll be missed. My day was made better by a friend taking me out to lunch and my roommate making me hot cocoa after i got home from the temple with puffy and blood shot eyes.


Love life updates will not be shared on the blog...i might as well post them on facebook. NO!

Music 161 Voice Technique...Alice's happy place

I love love love my voice technique class. I am learning so so so much...well i feel like a learned more today than i ever have. I'll explain in the Stephen # 3 section. But first i would love to share why i love the class so much. I am so happy in this class, it's like a release of the real world. Even when i am ridiculously frustrated i just am so happy. The happiest i have felt all semester. (toobad the semester will end!) i feel like I can totally be myself in this class unlike all my other acting classes. I think it is merely because there are non-Acting major in it. Media music people are my new favorite people. I mostly hang out with a group of 5 men that amazingly awesome. This is basically what i wrote to sarah but i will write it here because it is humorous and i love to humor.

Steven #1: I love this kid. Skinny. You would see him in a alternative acoustic band wearing skinny jeans and vans. He has the prettiest eyes! We share frustrations about belting together. It's a nice bonding tool

Steven #2: I don't know much about this steven except that he is married, we are facebook friends and i am highly entertained by the faces he makes when he sings. Really nice guy

Alden: Alden has the look of an attractive punk rocker than you would throw your under garmets at attending one of his concerts. But on the other hand he has that classic look so he is a totally gentleman. i am pretty sure the "big boys" in my major are extremely intimidated by his confidence and looks. I love to see them weak. haha jk...not really.

Elton: Married. Brazilian...or so he claims. Alden and I have a pact to blackmail him into singing our songs for us. We will threaten to deport him. This guy can sing like Ewan Mcgregor. No joke. He sang "My song"...ya that's right! by Elton john. he can belt like nobodies business. It's known that if we can't do it, Elton can. Well! i can have babies...can you do that Elton? Ya! didn't think so. what now?

Stephen#3: I have a problem with this ste(ph)(v)en. You see...everytime this one opens his mouth and exudes the heavenly sound that is his voice I begin to giggle uncontrollably. If someone knows me really well they will know that if i talk about something i really like or experience the same my eyes water. So here i am sitting in my chair eyes watering and giggling like a 12 year old. Maybe it's because he sounds like josh groban...singing to me within touching distance. No touchy! bad alice!
This stephen deserves a second paragraph. Today we spent an hour after class singing and hanging out. he helped me so much!! (hence the learning so much) I finally sounded right and felt the placements. Man he can sing...Here is the thing my friends, he has a girlfriend. I am pretty sure i would have a little girl crush on him if he didn't have one so i am actually quite glad that i don't cause i enjoy his friendship.
(ya that's right 3rd paragraph) AND!!! another good thing is because, I don't know if anyone knows this about me but, I have BAD LUCK with boys that have girlfriends. Actually the truth is that i have good luck with taken boys. that is bad! I won't go into my examples but if you are a close enough friend, ask me to tell you the stories someday. Anyways. Sad day. It would be like having my own personal Josh Groban. That's ok. I can still listen to him, both josh and my friend stephen.

Other media music majors i must mention are Rachel and Heather. Beautiful beautiful girls! I love them so much! I don't really have stories about them save for the fact that we have so much fun and they laugh at me when i giggle and hug myself anytime Stephen sings. so there you have it my loved ones, Music 161 with acting and media music majors.

A few things....

So today is Halloween. Whoop tee do. What will I be? a 50 year old woman who is obesessed with dogs and talks to her dead mother. aka. i have rehearsal. :)
I would much rather do this that do what i would be doing...a big fat load of nothing! Oh wait, i will be taking a quiz for new testament. I should have been studying today but i sent yet another letter/package to sarah in the MTC. Earlier this week i sent her and enge candy and letters. Then the next day i got a letter from sarah (or i checked the mail and got a letter from sarah). Then again today I sent her chapstick and a letter. The truth is that a cute boy mailed my package the first time...so i am determined to be a better support to sarah and send her more packages ;).
I am ridiculously amazed at how much I love writing sarah. I can't fit enough in! And i end up writing her all week, adding stuff last minute as i did today. Maybe it's because i miss her so much...no...that can't be it. ha! Anyways I get sad because i don't get to see her reaction to my letters. I love love love her letters. They make me crack up! And mostly i write her all of my stories. For example: My voice technique class. See other post

The random things of life....

This semester i have started writing down when someone says something to me that i think to be hilarious. These are the types of things that lead me to believe that occasionally we step out of "normal" life and merge into the world of prime-time sitcoms/dramas.

For example...I cannot express to you how often i notice the natural comedic timing life has
THis is a recent phone conversation i had with my nephew
Me: Schuyler! you have a girl Friend
Schuyler: yeah (in a very "too-cool-for-school" fashion)
Me: well...tell me about her.
Schuyler: well...she's OBSESSED with me
me: (after a fit of giggles) she's obsessed with you?
Schuyler: that's what everyone tells me
Me: have you kissed her yet
Schuyler: No(said it what only can be described in a reaction as if i had killed the pope)
Me: ok...so have you held her hand yet?
Schuyler: well she tricked me into once.

Why can't all relationships be like this?? oh ya that's right because most relationship are based off of love and trust...not obsession and tricking someone to hold you hand. Although i do think this wouldhelp some relationships. :) ...til next time. Ask me about this one
Me:How's that girl?
Man: well i would break up with her but she makes me cookies! (one hour later he was asking me to make him cookies...he just wants me for my bod)

Disney Princess Qualities

Prepare yourself...this post is going to get a bit concieted.

Lately I have been noticing that most of the compliments i recieve revolve around a certain topic. ok not all the compliments but My eyes and my bangs and hair are constantly reminding people of disney princesses. For example : "Alice i always love your bangs! they look like The little mermaid's bangs." And then I ask myself, "In or out of the water?"

I mean check these puppies out! even whilst kissing this hunk of a man they still potrude a good three inches from her face....i'll take it.

Does anyone recall Princess Jasmine? I submit the only two differences between her eyes and mine are that mine are blue and I go squinty eyed when i smile.

other such qualitiesinclude: ability to speak to animals, incredible cleaning skills, and the ability to woo men within in days.

but last! My favorite princess is pocahontas...what do we remember about pocahontas besides her undying devotion and loyalty....her hair and awesome clothes....I present the following proof.

Apparently i am the live action version of the Disney princess Walt forgot to create. Any suggestions of a name and story?

They say that breaking up is hard to do...

Saying goodbye is hard. Just in the past couple of months I have said goodbye to a total of 4 of some really good friends. This blog is dedicated to the beauty that is Sarah Hughes, my best friend.

Sarah went into the MTC today. I wouldn't have done anything differently. She flew on tuesday after which i joined her family for a tradition last meal: Family style chinese food at the Chinatown Resturant. After that Sarah's family gave me the best present. I skipped rehearsal and Sarah and I spent the whole night just hanging out and talking. The next day i skipped class. Sarah went in at 12. We pretended that I was her sister and I got to join the family in seeing sarah off.

Dang! So hard! I don't really have a good track record either. These are my experiences with the MTC :

1) my sister went to baltimore. I didnt' go to the MTC cause i was too heart broken. Instead i layed on my Gma's couch, cried and watched her cable tv...I assume it was animal planet.

2)Seeing my brother off. Freak! I thought that was the hardest...just wait...here it comes

3) Sorella Hughes. I am pretty sure i cried harder than her parents. I felt bad. Oh well. I got my hug and stepped out of the way for the family time. Just when i thought it would be 18 months before i talked to her, she reached out and grabbed my hand. I told her i would wait for her and that i would see her in white. She replied that she would save me a spot in line for the ferris wheel (Charly reference...a very deep inside joke we share). She exited and took another look and she gave one more wave. Thats when it really set in. Something happened the minute we left the crying room and my first thought was that I had to tell sarah! HA! she'll have to wait a week.

Sarah has been the best friend that i have ever had. I can't begin to describe what her friendship has meant to me. I love her...and most importantly i know more than anything what preaching the gospel means to her. I am so excited for her to finally have the opportunity to help people in a greater way than all the rest...this has been one of her lifelong goals. I know more that we will be friends for life and nothing will change that. 18 months, psh!

Sleeping Girl!!! the newest addition to heroes.

I have a new superhero power. I can sleep through anything. I have yet to test my powers to their full extent but alas i feel i owe this to genetic mutation caused by exhaustion. Here are some examples of my mutation:

1) I plopped myself down on this comfy carpet in the HFAC one day to memorized lines. The next thing i know my partner is waking me up 45 min later to rehearse. I hadn't change positions, the room was empty and my hand was numb from using it as a pillow.

2) In my classical voice class we are learning heroic build. It includes taking a ridiculously long speech and building in pitch and intensity with every line. By the middle of the speech you are basically yelling (but supported as not to develope vocal nodes...boo aspen grove!) Alas I fell asleep in class sitting up right while students exclaiming about crispian.

3) I'll shorten this one. Today was yoga. I got through three yoga moves before my friend was waking me up at the end of class. did my teacher care? ha! no. I love my major. He understood that I was taking 17 credits, in rehearsal 5 days a week, it's mid-terms, and that i am on campus from 8 til ten! yowsa!

The evolution of my opinion on pants

Let's beg a question. If I had the choice of wearing pants....ok this is stupid. I don't like pants. That's right, Alice is a raving anti-pant...ite. My condition in the past has been to the level where without thinking and not by my own accord i will walk in my apartment and proceed to remove my pants. My old roommates of course were used to this. My roommates at aspen grove however would have to accept the fact that I would very often give them a free show. IN FACT!!! I take my pants off in my sleep. I feel since we are sharing i must include this. Yes, that's right my friends. Alice periodically wakes up with out pants!

ok to the point. This semester i have lived in sweats. I love sweats. It's like they aren't there. But here is where the evolution takes place. I also love to look cute. I don't know if any one knows this but it is hard to look cute in sweats...well...unless you are me. hehe. But anyways I have found myself changing back into my cute clothes knowing full well that i will only take them off again in an hour. Clothing schedule for TTH is thus: 8-pjs to normal clothes 9- change into BYU issue to pump some iron 11- Normal clothes 12- Yoga clothes 1-normal 10-pjs

And there you have it. I never thought i'd say it...but i am sick of getting naked all day.

Holy Cow! It's Friday! ...the number 50 is on my mind

Oh how the weeks fly by. I guess being in rehearsal from 7-10 every tuesday-friday and saturday 9-12 helps time go by fast. Houseboat Honeymoon is coming along great! This picture is my water bottle representing "Nana" in am urn. I usually get strange looks from the cast as I take a drink from her periodically. Nana is my mother who is awaiting reincarnation and who I talk to as if she is a pet. Our memorized or off-book date is Oct. 3rd but that shouldn't be too bad. I'll tell you what is hard though! Learning to walk like a Hypochondriac 50 year old with "back problems." I think I am just going to picture my parents...wait....that came out wrong. Correction: I'll think of my parents ten years ago (HA!) and minus the hypochondria.

On the subject of middle aged women:

In my stage combat class we are learning our first fight. This fight includes everything from eye gouges to punches, from head locks to tackles that result in flipping me over! My partners age.....(insert drum roll here) approximately 50 yrs. old! Not only is she over 50 years old but has a slow body resulting in even slower reflexes. Example: A portion of our fight includes slaps...but today practice included me slapping her hand and then turning her head for her. (This was after she accidentally slapped my in the face doing a nap in our punch to the head). This sounds as if i am poking fun...this is not my intent. My intention is to merely add to the humor of this situation. And here is the kicker: She wins our choreographed fight! That's right! In the last phase of the fight Alice gets worked with a knee to the stomach, kick to the groin, captain kirk to the back, kick to the stomach and finally a kick to the head.

Isn't it funny how the HFAC world reflects real life? ...cause i usually start fights with middle ages women who cream my trash.

Anyways...mom you will be happy to know that I got a 100% on my first quiz of the semester. I bet you were scared i was going to go back to the whole #50 thing huh? ha! fooled you!

Plans for the weekend:

oh man. I have rehearsal from 9-12 and then 2 dates! That's right, still got it! One of them is to Tucanos. mmmm. I have heard good things. I will try hard to maintain lady like composure surrounded by all that food...and meat no less....excuse me while i salivate.

Sometimes Parents DO know best...weird.

Reason #1: Alice + football = Happy.

This semester I recieved an academic scholarship from BYU. As kind of a congrats my parents got me an All-Sports Pass. This shows how much they know me and my love for college football. I am writing this special blog to say THANK YOU SOOO MUCH. Yesterday's football game was a blast. We beat Wyoming 44-0. My roommate Natalie couldn't go so she gave me her football ticket to do with what I will. My parents couldn't come (silly melon days!) so i asked my old Roommate Rebecca to come! It was so fun. Highlights:

1. Reba! I got to spend all day with her and hear all about her life. Man! she is hot stuff...3 dates in one weekend.

2.The BYU Jokers! By far the craziest football fans ever. They borrowed my facepaint from the Aspen Grove days. As you can see they struck fear into many hearts...including mine!

Reason #2: Aspen Grove

I have my awesome parents to thank for talking me into doing Aspen Grove not only the first summer but also the second summer. How many awesome friends and experiences I have gained? Too many to count! Most especially my new beautiful roomie Natalie. I love to laugh and natalie makes me laugh all the time! I cannot replace any of the wonderful memories from Aspen Grove.

Hopeful for the Fall

This fall was something that I was intensely dreading. I would be going into it without my dear friends that I have been with since good ol' freshman year. They are both going on missions and of course I am so happy and proud of them...yet still it is ok to admit that I will miss them more than i have ever missed anything in my life.

The beginning of the semester is always hard to adjust to and with the previous subject on top of that I was beginning to burst!!! But really I am so excited for this semester for the following reasons:

1: New friends!! My new roommates Natalie and Suzanne are wonderful. I am always a big fan of people that can see the good outcome in everything and these two girlies exemplify that very well. I love them.

2:My independence. More so than at any other time in my life, I am independent. All of my roommates have very busy lives (as do I) so i am excited for this time develop my independence. I love people but sometimes I love them more than myself. Say it with me now....I love me....I am happy with me...I need to stop talking to...me.

3: Houseboat Honeymoon. I received a part in a BYU production this semester. It will take up a huge chunk of my semester! rehearsals Tuesday- Friday 7-10 and Saturday 9-12. I like being busy. It is going to be really fun. I play a girl called Jeanie who is obsessed with her "special chair" and her mother. Did i mention her mother is cremated and Jeanie likes to dress up the Urn? ya, that's right!

4: Weight Lifting. This is the most active semester that I have had thus far at BYU! I have stage combat (If anyone wants to learn how to kick someone in the face/groin, I am your woman) and modern dance MWF and Weight lifting and yoga TTH. Adding on top of the show, which is a farce. I love it! Granted I am sore...but this sore just feels sooooo goooood. MAN! if you thought alice had a rockin' awesome bod before...skadoosh. <---that's my way of saying that it's better now. ok...bad joke.

*So all in all, this semester is going to fun...hard...lonley but I won't let that get me down! Always look on the bright side of life ...do do do dodo do.

One Wild and Crazy Weekend.

This was by far one of the craziest and funnest weekends I have had in quite a while. Only 0ne thing could have added to it's attraction : my best friends ...aka Sarah, Enge, and Rebecca. Alas these are things i couldn't have. BUT! I did have my awesome new roommate Suzanne. It all began on a friday night....Friday

Rockin' Awesome Dance: This stake dance (i was not a member of said stake) consisted of Noel, Suzanne and I being trend setters and rocking out to the live band. I think this band only had one person under the age of 45 in it. Never the less we danced our hearts out! I love how dances just end up being 2 hours of cardio. I had not been to a dance in a long time and for sure it was high time.

Saturday
Callback
And here was where the weekend began! Unfortunatley Friday night had to be cut short in order for me to aquire an ample amount of sleep for a callback I had the next morning. So I woke up at 7:30 (an hour to sleep in! woot!) and was at the callback by 9. It went really well, but by the end of the THREE hour callback I was wondering if i indeed would recieve a part. This had been my third call back in less than 1 1/2 weeks. The great thing about these was that i knew my audition rocked and i knew i had done my best. So overall i knew for sure if i didn't get into these plays that it was for a reason. The big guy upstairs knows more that me!
so the callback ended around 12 and from there i had to book it up to work.......

Work at good ol' Aspen Grove
Oh how can i describe how much i have loved working at Aspen Grove. My times at aspen grove have been one of the biggest influences to some many aspects in my life. I can't even begin to describe how much of myself and my growth as a person is due to my times at AG.
so once again i had the opportunity to hang out with awesome kids all day and call it work. We played marshmello wars, mafia, Castle camo and had an overall good time. The best part (which is kinda prideful) was that this age group was a lot older than the kids i had this summer...hence...they understood more intelligent wit and humor that i so naturally have ;)

After completing work, i got in my car only to discover that i had a voicemail. The voicemail was from the director of the show i auditioned for and he offered me a part. Man guys...oh just wait it gets even better.

Concert
Luckily for me a nice girl at the callback told me about a Rooney Concert going down at Spoon Me (local yogurt place...kind gross...but kinky name!) Rooney has been one of my favorites ever since a dear friend aka SARAH introduced me. Ever since then we have basked in cruel and womanizing lyrics that Robert Carmine (Lead Singer) so attractivly belts out. For example : "I'm a terrible person. I read her diary. I'm not to be trusted. I told all of her secret to the guys in town. They all laugh and give me high fives. oh ya!"
I know what you're thinking mom, oh wow! what a good influence. No! Great example!!!! of boys not to date or trust or let see my diary!
Anyways! This blog is getting legnthy so i'll sum it up. I saw them, i swooned. The highlight: I reached my hand out to Robert as he as walking offstage maybe for some of his sweaty talent to rub off but instead i recieve and handshake....plus a pull in....plus his other hand on my shoulder...PLUS INCHES AWAY FROM HIS FACE he said to me....and get ready now..."Thank you very much." whew! i could have kissed him. I think it would have ruined the moment going from, "hey! her's a girl that would like to shake my hand because she enjoys my music," to ,"Hey! here's a girl that just wants me for my bod." .....both which are true.
Sunday
And this is where the wonderful weekend comes to an end...kinda. (I am going to include FHE)
I drove up to Sandy to see my bestest friend Enge give her Farewell talk before leaving on her mission to Taiwan. I think i cried more that her during the talk. Sarah and Enge's friendship has been priceless to me and i will miss it dearly whilst they serve the lord. Enge talk was incredibly eloquent and poised. Her talent never ceases to amaze me.

Monday
Anyone who knows me, knows of my love for the institution also known as Family Home Evening. My ward is also very entertaining. Combine the two and you have winning combination. For FHE we played "Lovers Leap." This is a very brutal game to get to know someone. Luckily the lucky guy who chose me as his partner was just as competitive as i was. AFter FHE we then had a stage combat fight. We are planning to do this on campus, staged as a lovers quarrel. The Highlight was that i had the privledge of participating a group movie project involving a confidencial Gorrilla suit. Let's just say that who ever gave me a ride home didn't want to take the monkey suit off just to put it back on again ....did i mention that he drives a scooter? Oh what a night. A scooter ride with boy in a monkey suit with the wind whipping my hair and the gorrilla's hair into my face. I could not stop laughing. At one point we talked about how his monkey suit was keeping me warm...a conversation i hope to have once again someday.


THUS CONCLUDES the wild and crazy weekend. Please respond. build me up.

And so it starts...

I have only one person to blame for my strange desire to create a blog: Karen. My dearest sister began her blog shortly before my 21st birthday and since I too have wanted to join the strange world of telling everyone who cares about the going-ons of my life. Hey! Who wouldn't want to read someone's journal? Welcome to alice's mind. Be gentle.